The Overture

Dear Reader,

Everything has a beginning. Everything is born. The Universe, The Sun, You and me; we all had a beginning. This blog also has one. This little write-up will be called its beginning for the days and years to come, that depends on..... well, I'll come to that later.

I have made this blog out of the blue. When I began my day, I had no plans of wasting my precious time online for such long hours.

When I began my day, I didn't know I was going to write a blog, or create an altogether new email-id on gmail. My plans didn't even include making a fake id on facebook. 

And surely I'd never imagined when I woke up in the morning that by the eve I'd be on my scooter to meet a complete stranger that I'd spoken to online for some 5-6 minutes at max (that too with improper net connection) on my fake facebook id. 

My Life is out of my bounds. I'm insecure, anxious and restless whenever I'm idle or still.

I began. Oh yes, I did. 

I had a beautiful beginning. I went to fantastic posh school and I made a lot of name there as well. But here I am at the end of a day which was totally bizarre. I'm grateful to God that I'm sitting in the haven of my little room, lest my actions might have got me in a lot of trouble.

I'm sorry, I forgot to give my basic introduction. My name is Siddharth (say, because I like that name alot). I'm 19 years old, a college 3rd year student pursuing a degree in Civil Engineering from Bhilai, Chhattisgarh, India. There's more.. I'm Lost. I'm also a homosexual man. It seems I have been branded as one. But let's get past it now.....

For the last two years, I have been staying alone in bhilai, in a single room. The loneliness has surely taken toll on my brains and my heart. I have lost what I had, I have learnt many new things, some worth cherishing, others worth perishing.

I don't know where I am headed with this 'overture'.

Recently I broke down, in my own room, crying incessantly, with misery and despair oozing out of every sound that I made, or every sob that I took. I was in mourning. Mourning of my own death, it seemed.

I saw my weeping face in the mirror and cried more than ever. The face that had always smiled so enchantingly, with those eyes, nose and every handsome thing on the face, was completely shattered now. It was a hard scene to witness. That was a burst out of a lot of pent up emotions which finally deluged me. I can feel a newer one welling up inside me, like a dam ready to burst. 

This blog is just an attempt of mine to stay sane. A lot of times, I have drifted on the verge of collapse. I know there are many people like me out there who undergo mental trauma. They probably undergo more hardships than I have ever been through. Your question, quite obviously, is: Why in the world should we read your blog? You're no different than others suffering. What is it that stands you out?

That's the answer. 

I don't want to stand out. All our lives, we try to stand out from the crowd, be different and earn some attention and respect. Be distinguished. 

I'm no different, not do I want to be. 

This blog is simple. It's about a life. And now, for the first time in my life, I want to be a part of the normal crowd. This blog is no special.

In my everyday life, I come across a lot of knowledge, realizations, and thoughts. That is, in one way or the other, my analysis of this world. Some talk about the routines of a growing boy, others, you'll find deep and wise. This is going to be a window of my mind that opens to the world. 

And I shall not care whether people read it or not, for you have come quite far now, and I have you with me now. I do not care whether you read the next post or not, because you came till here with me. Everybody is not meant to last. Some should tread along with you on this long path, share some moments, and then depart their own ways.

The Show must go on. Time doesn't wait, of course, it moves only forward. But thoughts are precious. They are capable of time travelling. And by the words, I'm going to travel backwards in time, helicoptering my past to pick up the essentials that I missed then so I can throw a better light on the road that I'm travelling ahead.

The Lost Seeker is seeking for a place for himself, a meaning that explains his role in this big play. A reason. A path. An aim. A definition. A haven. A safeguard. We are all seeking. This is my quest put into words.

And this quest will be successful, when there's an appropriate reason behind every event that happens, when there's a reason to go ahead in life, a meaning to the breath we inhale, when the lost has been found, and what is being seeked is also found. 

Take care, Reader.

You shall hear from me soon enough.