The Dawn

The country I hail from, India, is thoroughly rich and well-reinforced when it comes to spirituality, culture, mythology or anything ancient. It's past has unshakable foundation, which I'm absolutely proud of.

According to the scriptures, Lord Bramha is the Father of the Universe. He's the one who created the creation. And he's the one who signifies a start. 

That is why, the period of earliest morning is known as Bramha Muhurta, the most unadulterated, serene and pristine part of a 24-hour period.

The closest translation for it in English would be dawn, but there's a margin. While dawn signifies the period when the earliest of sun rays begin to appear east sky. When the easterly stars begin to fade and the sky begins to fade in darkness, that is dawn.

Brahma Muhurta comes before dawn. Its the moment when the day is about to break. Its still night and the air is chilled. Most of the world around you is fast asleep, except the animals. A bird or two begin to chirp randomly from dark trees. The stray puppies are already up snuggling and playing. Whereas the crickets begin to make lesser sound. Every other sound of nature, the ninaad of flowing water.

The kalarav of the birds, and the gunjan(echo) of a shankh from a far-off temple. Its ineffable.

It was 4:30 AM and I was up for no reason. I went out into the December night with my jacket on and felt the milieu. The turmoil I'd been feeling inside me all became null into the infinity of that silence. That was the effect of Bramha Muhurt.

There are many moments in life, when life calls for a deep introspection. Having spent a plenty amount of time alone my introspection was uncontrolled and I lost my way. Now, things are falling in place.

Music, sound, vibrations, are very effective tools to form that mirror on which you can see yourself.

The World is a huge place for sure. But there is an even vaster expanse that lies within us, that homes our latent potentials and our true-self like a haven. Here is a link for guided meditation which you should definitely give a try once: It's worth your time: 

A Journey Within- Guided Meditation

Dear Readers, We all want to be happy. That's our ultimate motto. In order to do that, we must realize who we really are. And we need to explore and discover ourselves. We take time out for so many things which are not essential. Its necessary we take out some time-20 mins at least- for ourselves.

Do try the meditation and share your experience in comments if you'd like.... :)

The Overture

Dear Reader,

Everything has a beginning. Everything is born. The Universe, The Sun, You and me; we all had a beginning. This blog also has one. This little write-up will be called its beginning for the days and years to come, that depends on..... well, I'll come to that later.

I have made this blog out of the blue. When I began my day, I had no plans of wasting my precious time online for such long hours.

When I began my day, I didn't know I was going to write a blog, or create an altogether new email-id on gmail. My plans didn't even include making a fake id on facebook. 

And surely I'd never imagined when I woke up in the morning that by the eve I'd be on my scooter to meet a complete stranger that I'd spoken to online for some 5-6 minutes at max (that too with improper net connection) on my fake facebook id. 

My Life is out of my bounds. I'm insecure, anxious and restless whenever I'm idle or still.

I began. Oh yes, I did. 

I had a beautiful beginning. I went to fantastic posh school and I made a lot of name there as well. But here I am at the end of a day which was totally bizarre. I'm grateful to God that I'm sitting in the haven of my little room, lest my actions might have got me in a lot of trouble.

I'm sorry, I forgot to give my basic introduction. My name is Siddharth (say, because I like that name alot). I'm 19 years old, a college 3rd year student pursuing a degree in Civil Engineering from Bhilai, Chhattisgarh, India. There's more.. I'm Lost. I'm also a homosexual man. It seems I have been branded as one. But let's get past it now.....

For the last two years, I have been staying alone in bhilai, in a single room. The loneliness has surely taken toll on my brains and my heart. I have lost what I had, I have learnt many new things, some worth cherishing, others worth perishing.

I don't know where I am headed with this 'overture'.

Recently I broke down, in my own room, crying incessantly, with misery and despair oozing out of every sound that I made, or every sob that I took. I was in mourning. Mourning of my own death, it seemed.

I saw my weeping face in the mirror and cried more than ever. The face that had always smiled so enchantingly, with those eyes, nose and every handsome thing on the face, was completely shattered now. It was a hard scene to witness. That was a burst out of a lot of pent up emotions which finally deluged me. I can feel a newer one welling up inside me, like a dam ready to burst. 

This blog is just an attempt of mine to stay sane. A lot of times, I have drifted on the verge of collapse. I know there are many people like me out there who undergo mental trauma. They probably undergo more hardships than I have ever been through. Your question, quite obviously, is: Why in the world should we read your blog? You're no different than others suffering. What is it that stands you out?

That's the answer. 

I don't want to stand out. All our lives, we try to stand out from the crowd, be different and earn some attention and respect. Be distinguished. 

I'm no different, not do I want to be. 

This blog is simple. It's about a life. And now, for the first time in my life, I want to be a part of the normal crowd. This blog is no special.

In my everyday life, I come across a lot of knowledge, realizations, and thoughts. That is, in one way or the other, my analysis of this world. Some talk about the routines of a growing boy, others, you'll find deep and wise. This is going to be a window of my mind that opens to the world. 

And I shall not care whether people read it or not, for you have come quite far now, and I have you with me now. I do not care whether you read the next post or not, because you came till here with me. Everybody is not meant to last. Some should tread along with you on this long path, share some moments, and then depart their own ways.

The Show must go on. Time doesn't wait, of course, it moves only forward. But thoughts are precious. They are capable of time travelling. And by the words, I'm going to travel backwards in time, helicoptering my past to pick up the essentials that I missed then so I can throw a better light on the road that I'm travelling ahead.

The Lost Seeker is seeking for a place for himself, a meaning that explains his role in this big play. A reason. A path. An aim. A definition. A haven. A safeguard. We are all seeking. This is my quest put into words.

And this quest will be successful, when there's an appropriate reason behind every event that happens, when there's a reason to go ahead in life, a meaning to the breath we inhale, when the lost has been found, and what is being seeked is also found. 

Take care, Reader.

You shall hear from me soon enough.